Every parent wonders what the future holds for their children. You hope they will make good choices, find happiness, and, more than anything, want to have a relationship with their parents, both biological and adoptive.
How you set up your adoption plan at the beginning can affect how an adult adoptee views both sets of parents.
It’s critical to remember adoption is never a one-time event. It’s a lifetime adventure. Every adoption is as unique as the people involved. Here are a few tips that may help you get a glimpse into your future.
Growing Up
Like children growing up in their biological families, adoptees are affected by their home life, family dynamics, neighborhoods, schools, and friends. But there is one crucial difference. An adoptee has a part of their lives that is entirely unknown to them.
If the birth and adoptive parents agree to have an open adoption, their child has more knowledge of their biological family. However, knowing and living day-to-day are two different things.
With a semi-open adoption, an adoptee has even less information but can still have confidence in some knowledge of their biological family. Although sometimes necessary, a closed adoption plan leaves everyone in the dark.
Of course, the ability to have a relationship with one another depends entirely on the willingness of everyone involved. Adoptive parents feel threatened and afraid birth parents may want their child back. Birth parents wonder what is said about them and if their child knows they love them.
The adoptee ponders why they like cats when their adoptive parents are strictly dog people or why they have black hair when their parents have blonde. They may wonder if their biological families even think about them. The unknown is one of the most complicated aspects of adoption.
How You Talk About Adoption Matters
Because adoption is slowly creeping out of the shadows, birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees are more willing to talk about their experiences.
With open and semi-open adoptions, children learn about their adoptions at a very early age. Many adoptees say they’ve known about their adoptions for as long as they can remember.
It is imperative that adoptive parents speak respectfully of their child’s biological parents. Even if there were issues such as substance abuse, incarceration, or mental health problems, adoptive parents must never ridicule the biological parents. After all, they became parents because of the choice the birth parents made.
Adoptive parents must make room for honest questions and open discussions as their child grows. Although parents may feel hesitant, there's comfort when a child knows they can ask anything.
Growing Up as an Adoptee
In their teen years, many adoptees struggle with feelings of rejection. They find it difficult to understand why their biological mothers would choose adoption. They may have feelings of guilt because they want to know more about their biological families.
Some adoptees act out because the abandonment they feel is so deep. Others grow up feeling confident they have as much information as they need. Again, the adoption experience is as unique as each family.
Adoptive parents must make room for a birth mother and father’s story in their child’s life. Whether the biological parents tell it in person or it’s conveyed through the adoptive parents, children need to know what it was like for their birth mother and father to choose adoption.
Everyone longs to know who they are and where they came from. Adoptive parents should give their children as much information as they possibly can. Of course, as the child reaches adulthood, the relationship switches to what they are comfortable with.
What Can Adoption Angels Offer?
If you are an expectant mother considering adoption for your child, know that Adoption Angels provides free counseling throughout your adoption journey and beyond. Our qualified staff offers comfort and support 24/7 for as long as you need it.
We provide adoption education, support, and guidance for potential adoptive parents throughout your journey. We work hard to provide the best care and knowledge to see you through the process.
If you wish to explore adoption for your unplanned pregnancy or you are a couple hoping to adopt, contact Adoption Angels. Expectant mothers can reach us by filling out our confidential contact form. Prospective adoptive parents can begin the process here. You can both call or text us at (210) 227-2229.
We look forward to talking with you.
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